i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The Olympian is in my bed
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
