please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
