I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
