Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
