Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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