I'm going to jail i love you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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