I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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