we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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