I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
