why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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