I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
