do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
