even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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