I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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