This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
