my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
