Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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