Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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