I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
