Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
