I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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