he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Michael Bay diarrhea
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
