Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
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Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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