its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
