Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
