I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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