I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
