all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
