I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize