eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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