lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
