Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
