i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
