you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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