last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The air was thick with penises
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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