my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
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I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
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The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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