BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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