margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
