He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
