im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she looked like the before picture.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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