I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
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He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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