i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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