Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
