So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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