I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time