he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
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ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™