just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.