my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man