just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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