No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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