I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
