You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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