um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Watching her eat just hurts me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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