i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
