Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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