A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
