does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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