I cockslap morals
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The air taste purple.
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