just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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