that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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