He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
