oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
