So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just want nice things and good sex
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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