We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
