Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
