nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
